Hansie Cronje once said that inspite of all his successes and wins over the years, he spends numerous uneasy nights itching and searching for that solitary run that snatched a world cup final berth from his team. Ofcourse, he might have resented some other moments in his life later, but what reminded me of his example was the sheer oddity of the fact that numerous achievements, cheerful moments are, at times, dwarfed in front of that one fleeting moment. And, one is always forced to think of what could have been had things happened otherwise.
I, having led a pretty ordinary life till date, can think of some seemingly trivial things/moments (which would not have any consequence on my present, future) but which, all the same, visit me from time to time and play games with my mind. One of them is from a quiz we attended in school and finished second in. Now, it is not as if we never finished second otherwise and I might have aced certain more important quizzes in college (thanks to my team :D). Maybe the reason here was that we were pretty close to beating a certain team which had been pretty much invincible till then. For some reason, that moment, sitting in that chair and trying to answer in the rapid fire round, is still very fresh in my mind. Ofcourse, there were occasions after this when we chose between two alternatives and suceeded with our choice. But well, the wounds are the ones that bite!
There are others which come up in hindsight. One question answered correctly in the entrance exam and I would have landed up in IIT Delhi to pursue a degree in Civil Engg. Now, I won't jump into a comparison between life in IIT Delhi and Kanpur. However, I, being the completely jobless individual I am, ponder at times over how different I might have been had it happened so. The people I met going to Kanpur, the experiences I had, the campus atmosphere I soaked in over four years - all of it would have been so different. But yet, it happened as it did, and it escapes me whether it could have happened otherwise.
Which brings to my mind the discussions we had (in philosophy class, and especially in our college wings) about free will and destiny. All situations are a consequence of so many variables and other preceding situations that I have come to believe that a simulation of a "what-if" scenario if impracticable. I have come to accept a compromised theory of the two extremes and I loved the way "Ted Mosby" put it in a particular episode of 'How I met your Mother". He said that life just puts you in situations you are supposed to be (and you think that you are mere puppets). However, at every juncture it also gives you an option (among maybe a thousand different alternatives). However, once that alternative is chosen, the program executes a certain distance by itself, till it encounters the metaphorical "if... then" command. Well, that suddenly causes me to think that this is what was said in the movie "Matrix". Oh yes! HIMYM being the mushy sit-com it is actually said that all choices are made for you in a way to make sure that you end up in the "right" place at exactly the "right" moment. The "right", it seems, is set in stone already.
As with most other posts in my blog, this seems to have led me into an open ended argument too. Moreover, I stand liable to be somebody stuck in the past too, which, it turns out, is a disaster for a manager! The philosophy-lover in me says I'll pass that. Most of the things, when they happen, seem out of one's domain of control. Would it be wise then to accept that some things were not meant to happen, their lack of being happening to be the only proof of their logical existence? Does this negate the entire idea of a free will? If not, who draws the line between trying hard and acquiescing to the divine will? On this note, I guess I shall sleep and make sure that destiny (rather a lazy me) does not come between me and tomorrow's class!
